'The fat friend, mum, wife, work colleague, family member' syndrome.

The last couple of days, I have wondered how I am perceived by people, especially those who know me. Whether it be friends, family, work colleagues.

Do people see me as a failure as I am someone who has regained weight they had previously lost?

People in the public eye are so quickly judged for putting back on weight that they have previously lost, and not only by the media, but also the general public.

I feel lucky that most people who know me personally have not judged me (well if they have, then I am none the wiser). I have lost a friend here and there and often wonder if it is because I no longer fit in with their lifestyle. Maybe they didn't want to have a 'fat friend'?

I suppose what is more important is the perception I have of myself. I guess that is the only perception I have control over.

I have talked about 'body dismorphia' before and I have suffered with this greatly. I never really saw myself being as overweight as I was. I pictured my clothes to look different on me to what they actually did, etc.

Taking photos has certainly been a reality check to it all but really I need to change my mindset.

I know I am overweight obese at the momentm but I now am very clear that I don't want to be anymore. I want to be seen by others as healthy. I want to see myself as healthy.

I don't want to be the fat friend, the fat mum, the fat work colleague, the fat sister, etc anymore.

I have started again and no one can take that away from me. I have lost a total of 5kg (1kg down this week) and no one can take that away from me. I can't shout it out to the world yet as it is a tiny blimp in the scale of my weight loss required to be healthy but its all a step in the right direction.