For half of my life, I had always felt like I was bigger than everyone else.
When I was in primary school, I played netball, reps (in centre, WA positions) and was so physically fit but I always felt like I had bigger legs than the other girls. I look back at the photos now and realise I wasn't. I have no idea what size I was a kid but no bigger than the other kids.
In high school, same thing, except I stopped playing netball, but still kept up tennis. I guess looking back I was a healthy size 12.
After high school I went to uni and was working a casual job in a cafe. I didn't drive back then and used to walk to train stations, bus stops, to the shops, etc alot. I got down to a size 10 jeans which was incredible for me. I use to be able to wear midrif tops and low cut jeans and really had the stomach to carry it off. However I never really thought I was skinny. But really I was.
Then I got my license and moved out of home at the age of 18.5yrs. I put on a lot of weight, went back up to a size 14. Looking back a lot of it was the freedom to go and get maccas and take out whenever, drinking lots with friends and just not living a healthy lifestyle. It clicked to me when I was working at a gym and my 3/4 length size 14 cotton sleeve was so tight around my arms that it didnt make sense that I was selling people memberships to a gym when I was clearly not the picture of health.
I was 20, I started hitting the spin classes (sometimes twice a day) and basically starved myself on eating 1 piece of frozen fish a day... hmm and that was healthy I got down to a size 10 again. Guys started staring at me again in approval. I looked hot for my 21st (well i thought I did LOL) and I wont lie, I was really happy. I had the confidence to strut around in sexy lingere or shorts (havent seen those days in a while)!!!!
Then I moved in with DP, aged 22.5yrs. I progressively put on weight. Over 4 yrs I put on 25kg. Over those years, I went on many diets, they would work and then I would stop and put on the weight I lost plus more. My grandparents, parents DP and DP's family all commented on what was going on with my weight. I would always get defensive and say I am happy, leave me alone.
This is where my body image was totally warped to the other extreme.
I no longer thought that I was bigger than other people, in fact i would always see people who were bigger than me and think "well I am not as big as them". I know now that I was. If not bigger. But it was like I was seeing a warped image of me in the mirror and that I was not fat. After all these years, my body image had taken a massive turn (but not for the better).
I then split from DP for a short time. I lost about 10Kgs without trying. Guys thought I was hot again (I was still probably a size 14, but a small one with very healthy curves in the right places).
I got back together with DP, put on about 5kg and after 6 months I fell pregnant. Ate anything I wanted (but didnt go overboard). During pregnancy I put on a total of 8kg. I liked my pregnant body, apart from the stretchmarks! After I had Miss Twinkle Toes, I lost 5.5kg instantly and was in my pre-pregnancy jeans within a week of having Miss TT.
That didnt last.
I then was at home all the time with a newborn and I would just eat and eat. I put on more weight over the following 6 months than I did over the 9 months of pregnancy. I was the biggest I have ever been. A size 18. Double chin, back fat, tummy fat, leg fat, cankles, you name it, I had fat there! It was at this point I knew I was fat!!
I then started going to WW with a gorgeous girl from mothers group in October last year. I had lost 10.5Kg with adding walking in 3 times a week and watching what I eat, but not really cutting anything out, just the amount.
Then Christmas came, I put on 900g, then I just lost the plot in January and put on another 900g. I stopped going to WW after Christmas as I could no longer afford it.
Anyway I am back on the wagon now after a lot of inspiration from other ladies that are doing the weight loss thing for them and seeing how well the Biggest Loser people did this year.
So please follow me on my journey.
I really hope that I can finally do this for me and no one else. And maybe.... just maybe I can be an inspiration for someone else.