Juggling

Can anyone do it?

I am having troubles.

Monday & Tuesday....

I start my week well.

I have energy.

I go for evening walks.

I eat well.

Then the other days come.....\

I have no energy.

I can barely juggle and keep all the balls in the air.

Healthy eating is the first ball to drop.

Exercise is the next.

Then sleep.

How do people do it?

How do I put me first?

I need to work something out quicksmart!

Which one? Help! PLEASE! Wedding Outfit!

Do I have a post for you tonight!!
I have been so busy getting prepared for our Fiji holiday (that is now 9 days away)!

There are so many things to do but here are a few important ones that I have marked off my list this week:

1. Get passports DONE (they came today WOOHOO!)!
2. Get some smokin' hot hair to compliment my new shape DONE!!!!
3. Buy some new $20 sunglasses seeming my other $20 ones are in pieces (handbag, sat on, oops). DONE!

And here are some photos of the smokin' hot hair and the new shades!

So that is all fabulous

but....

I need your help in deciding which outfit I should wear to the wedding that we are going to while we are over there.

I originally had this dress which I had taken in from a size 16 to a size 12 (Australian).

Here is a picture of me in it tonight with my hair and makeup done

And here is another dress that is new that I bought in a shop that I never used to be able to find anything that would be my size. Now I am in a size 12 (Australian)!!!!

Arrrhhh!

Decisions!

I hate making them so I am throwing this one to all of my gorgeous blogging friends who have been so incredibly supportive to get me to where I am am today and into these gorgeous dresses!

So which one do you think I should wear?

Back to the future!

Without my little blogging world community I am not sure where I would be. Actually I am pretty sure my hand would still be in that bag of chips! Thank you to every one of my supporters. I have noticed a few new followers as well and I am goign to try and catch up and visit your blogs as I know all of you will be able to inspire me as I follow your journeys.

I have taken some massive risks lately. risks I wouldnt ordinarily take. It's funny that  in days gone by I would not have shown anyone photos of me and now I feel so good showing people how far I have come. The support, encouragement and inspiration that you have given me in my Swimsuit post and easing my fears about it and then picking me up when I had lost my way, encouraging and inspiring me to get back on track have been invaluable.

Well I am back on track. I weighed in this morning and am back to 79.5kg so that means last weeks half kilogram gain is now a 1kg loss and I am back on the path to achieving my goals and it is great to now be heading in the right direction. I cant believe that your help has helped me to tur myself around and get a loss with 4 days of hard work. Not only that Ihave broken through the 80's (just) so now I am a 70's girl! It has been a long time!

I have been so busy lately but need to keep reminding myself that I need and deserve my time as well. I feel like I am time poor (hence catching up on all of yout blogs at 1am on a Saturday night and then being so tired this morning but things just seem to be so busy!

Today marks only 3 weeks to go until our holiday to Fiji. Putting the dress in to be altered this week. Cant wait to show you what it looks like.

Right now though I have added a couple of photos from this weekend of my gorgeous girl and I!

 

Not angry...just disappointed!

Have your parents ever said that to you?

I always remember being more fearful of the word 'disappointed' than the word 'angry'.

I hate people being disappointed in me.

Worst of all, I hate being disappointed in myself.



So I have been bad, so bad that I am finding it hard to type.
Something happened this week and I am still trying to understand and sort through it.
No, not anything dramatic or sad but something.

I reached a goal 2 weeks ago. I got to the 80Kg mark.
Thats where it all went wrong.
I started to get slack.
I havent exercised.
I have eaten so badly that I can not even tell you what I have eaten.
If its bad, it has been eaten.

Last weeks weigh in saw me put on 500grams. I didnt post about it because I was embarrassed. So I kept eating. Then a whole lot of things called life got happened. Stress, work, tiredness and with that more eating.

You know this is a big problem for me and I know I need help because life will always happen. I can;t control it, but I should be able to control what I put in my mouth.

I dont want to get on the scales this Sunday but I will.

Maybe I can get out of this hole if I try really hard tomorrow and Saturday so that the remaining 3 weeks until my holiday can be a success with diet and exercise.

Courage

The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

This post takes GREAT courage (although jsut between you and me...I have no idea what vicissitudes means).

And I feel like the cat that is walking in front of all those dogs right now. This little cat sure does have some courage.

Did I mention I love dogs?

Yesterday I told you that I bought some new swimmers for my holiday and promised that I would put some pictures up of me in them so I could see what you thought.

So after a long day I took some photos. I have to say the vibrant blue colour doesnt seem to come out as well in the photos as it is in reality but it is definitely like the colour shown in the flower here.

While I was looking at the photos, I realised how white my legs were. They don't get out very much ever and it is Winter so they are like two white ghosts. Some tanning (spray, bottle, sun) will hopefully fix that.

Anyway here they are.

(Ali secretly crawls off and hides)

Still have a bit of work to do to turn the gluteus maximus into a gluteus minimus!

And it can also be made strapless.

My other half likes this option LOL!

I also tried on a bikini that I bought 3.5 years ago and only wore half a dozen times.

The picture on the left was when I tried it on 1month ago. The picture on the right is from today.

I can really see a difference here.

Not enough to make me wear it as my mummy tummy with stretchmarks on it is still there.

 Okay so that's me. Not sure how long I will leave these pics up. I think I have embarrassed myself enough and I have not even pressed publish post yet!

4 weeks to go!

7 weeks to overcome my biggest fear.

Terrified.

Stressed.

Basically shiting myself that in 7 weeks (omg) 7 weeks, I am going to be on a plane to Fiji.

No, I am not afraid of the plane ride over there, rather the thought of parading along the beach or pool side that scares the living daylights out of me.

Time for a confession.

I have not been swimming in a public area for over 3 years. Sydney has some of the best beaches in the world yet I avoid the beach as I just never thought that I fitted in with the typical beach beauties.

So why in the world did we choose to go to a tropical island resort for a holiday?!

I think deep down I had to accept the challenge of getting into a swimsuit again. Really I have no choice now. I have a daughter who loves the water and its not really much fun sitting on the waters edge all covered up avoiding questions from passer byers like, "Aren't you hot in that?" and tying really hard to not show the perspiration on your forehead as you reply "No, it's not that hot" (whilst secretly melting underneath your layers).

So over the next few weeks I am going to start looking for a swimsuit that hides my worst bits and flatters my best bits. Just have to work out what my best bits are to flatter!

In the mean time, exercise, eat well and think well and checking out this site to see what might suit my shape the best.

Trying not to be scared!!

Unbelievably angry!

First of all if I could do this

I would!

I was shocked and horrified when trying on some clothes in Target today.

There I was trying on my clothes (that are another size smaller) when I couldn't help but overhear the conversation a few changerooms along between a mother and her daughter.

The mother was trying to get the young girl to try on clothes that were obviously too small. My heart started to ache when I heard the young girl say to her mother that she needed a bigger size. Now there is nothing wrong with needing a bigger size but when you are told by the person who should love you the most that you will not be getting a bigger size and you will have to go without having dinner for a week so that you can lose that belly of yours, well that is just so heartbreaking. I cringe at the pshycological damage that she is doing to this young little thing.

I had already finished trying on my clothes and was all dressed by the time their conversation ended. I exited the change room and sat on the new comfy seats just outside the area (where the dads, husbands, boyfriends and kids sit patiently waiting for the women in their lives to finish whiilst watching whatever was playing on the new TV there) and I waited for the mother and daughter to come out.

I dont know why, but I had to get a glimpse of this woman. Maybe it was because I was trying to see if there was an actual reason for her speaking to her daughter the way she did, not that there ever could be.

Well finally they came out. I knew it was them as the woman was now speaking on her mobile to someone (so I recognised the voice). The little girl was probably aged between 8 and 10 and I shot her a little smile trying to tell her without words that you are beautiful no matter what.

I haven't stopped thinkng about that little girl all day.

Why is there so much pressure on people to look a certain way? I mean this little girl was not even overweight!! I feel like her mother must have had such a complex about weight that she was doing damage to her daughter without even realising it. It makes me mad, sad and confused!

Then there are shows like this horrendous example.

Toddlers & Tiara's 

Does this look like the face of someone who is enjoying being made to look "beautiful" in the eyes of their mother and some unknown judges on a "I am the decider of who is the most beautiful child" power trip? Especially when this child is probably so beautiful just the way she is.

I make a promise here and now, for the young girl I saw today, for my daughter and for anyone else who has felt the pressure ofsociety to lose weight, that I will not let this become my daughter and I.

Here are some tips to help your children feel good about themselves whatever their size or shape that have been taken from here.

• Try to avoid discussing your own concerns about weight in front of children.
• Avoid making comments about anybody’s weight – your own, your child’s or other peoples.
• If a child hears frequent discussions about diets or parental preoccupation with food or weight, those attitudes will be picked up by the child.
• Avoid focusing on weight change as a measure of success – look at behaviours instead.

Unlocking the most important tool to weightloss.

No, this post is not going to tell you to eat less and exercise more. Yes that is important but there is something that is far more important to get to wherer you want to go. Keep reading if you want to find out what that is.

I have been on the path to becoming a hot mumma since August 2009. Since that time I have lost 20kg (44pounds).

There have been times where I have become distracted on the path to my destination, times when I have been off smelling the roses just a little too much (and managed to add a little bit more junk in the trunk while I was at it), but it was never long until I found my way back to being on that path again and continued to make the load I was carrying even lighter.

So how do I stay on the path???

First of all, it took a lot of searching to find someone to guide me onto the right path. I had a lot of encouragement from lots of different sources but the one person who helped me get on the path to where I am now was me. I was staring myself in the mirror. There were so many clues along the way that it had to be me ie. photos of me I would just delete so I couldnt see myself, occasions I would avoid going to, clothes that I just wouldnt wear.

I was the key to making the decision to lose weight, get healthy and feel fantastic and since I became my biggest supporter, I am finding myself staying on the path more and more. Until you find you, the longer you will stray off the path.

I still ocasionally stop and smell the roses, treat myself, celebrate different things....and that is so important to do....but the most important thing is to remember that there are the most amazing smelling roses at the end of the very end of the path and you wil only get to smell them if you keep on travelling.

So many times I would say to people...

"I eat healthy foods, I exercise and I cant lose weight".

But reading between the lines, what was really happening was I would eat right for a little while, maybe exercise a few times and then not lose much and give up. It was teh giving up and the lack of "I am going to do this" mindset that was preventing me from losing weight. Now I see that very clearly.

So make sure you are your biggest support by unlocking your mind as that is what will make up a success. But I am always here to try and support you as well, just in case you do wonder off the path to smell those roses!

How it's time to go and blog hop. Click on the button bellow that says "Fat to Fit" and check out Diminishing Lucy's blog for the details. It's lots of fun and some great reads in the links attached.

Hoping your week is going well!

Changes

Okay so I am not the type of girl that you see walking around rapping and what not, (well maybe just a bit in my car with my water bottle microphone....does anyone not do this?? LOL) but I really do love this 2pac song.

We gotta make a change...

It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.

Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live

and let's change the way we treat each other.

You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do

what we gotta do, to survive.

There are lots of Changes happening in my world at the moment. Not only with my weight and self esteem but most importantly in my home, where I spend most of my time.

I look around my house and I see so many changes which goes to show that losing weight loss means lifestyle changes.

There is now a fruit bowl with real fruit in it!

(Yes I used to have fake fruit in it to make it look like I was a healthy person).

My cupboards used to have a lot of this sort of stuff in it.

Now the junk is gone and the fridge is filled with this.

The fancy and expensive clothes hanger in my lounge room has gone.

Who knew that a treadmill could have a renewed purpose! This is happening a lot!

These are seen on my feet a lot more.

There is less of this.

And more of this.

I literally smile on the inside when I look around my house at these changes.

Why do mirrors tell lies? (weekly weigh in & progress photo)

Why is it that just when you think that you are looking good when you are looking back at your reflection in the mirror, that you see a photo of yourself from that day and realise that...

the mirror was telling lies!

That, or it is broken. 

Reality brings you crashing right back down and you are left wondering why is it that reality didnt take a bigger chunk off when it decided to bite you in the arse?

That was me today.

I cant even believe I am posting this picture as I hate it so much but I need to face reality.

I put on my jeans this morning and a simple black v necklong sleeve top. I felt good and asked my lovely man to take a photo of me. I was thinking I would see something that I liked (seeming I have lost over 15kg).

Hideous I tell you. I actually feel disappointed in myself.

Thank goodness there are hardly any photos of me at my heaviest as I dont know how I would have coped. 

I know that I have worked hard and come a long way from my heaviest but I still have more hard work ahead of me.

I need to work hard to reach my goals.

I really cant wait to not be scared to have photos taken of me and to feel assured in myself that I look good.

To top it off, I only lost 500grams this week. I should be happy but I am not, maybe I would if I hadn't seen the photo but I can't hide from reality.

Here's to a better week everyone.

The Honest Truth

For half of my life, I had always felt like I was bigger than everyone else.

When I was in primary school, I played netball, reps (in centre, WA positions) and was so physically fit but I always felt like I had bigger legs than the other girls. I look back at the photos now and realise I wasn't. I have no idea what size I was a kid but no bigger than the other kids.

In high school, same thing, except I stopped playing netball, but still kept up tennis. I guess looking back I was a healthy size 12.

After high school I went to uni and was working a casual job in a cafe. I didn't drive back then and used to walk to train stations, bus stops, to the shops, etc alot. I got down to a size 10 jeans which was incredible for me. I use to be able to wear midrif tops and low cut jeans and really had the stomach to carry it off. However I never really thought I was skinny. But really I was.

Then I got my license and moved out of home at the age of 18.5yrs. I put on a lot of weight, went back up to a size 14. Looking back a lot of it was the freedom to go and get maccas and take out whenever, drinking lots with friends and just not living a healthy lifestyle. It clicked to me when I was working at a gym and my 3/4 length size 14 cotton sleeve was so tight around my arms that it didnt make sense that I was selling people memberships to a gym when I was clearly not the picture of health.

I was 20, I started hitting the spin classes (sometimes twice a day) and basically starved myself on eating 1 piece of frozen fish a day... hmm and that was healthy I got down to a size 10 again. Guys started staring at me again in approval. I looked hot for my 21st (well i thought I did LOL) and I wont lie, I was really happy. I had the confidence to strut around in sexy lingere or shorts (havent seen those days in a while)!!!!

Then I moved in with DP, aged 22.5yrs. I progressively put on weight. Over 4 yrs I put on 25kg. Over those years, I went on many diets, they would work and then I would stop and put on the weight I lost plus more. My grandparents, parents DP and DP's family all commented on what was going on with my weight. I would always get defensive and say I am happy, leave me alone.

This is where my body image was totally warped to the other extreme.

I no longer thought that I was bigger than other people, in fact i would always see people who were bigger than me and think "well I am not as big as them". I know now that I was. If not bigger. But it was like I was seeing a warped image of me in the mirror and that I was not fat. After all these years, my body image had taken a massive turn (but not for the better).

I then split from DP for a short time. I lost about 10Kgs without trying. Guys thought I was hot again (I was still probably a size 14, but a small one with very healthy curves in the right places).

I got back together with DP, put on about 5kg and after 6 months I fell pregnant. Ate anything I wanted (but didnt go overboard). During pregnancy I put on a total of 8kg. I liked my pregnant body, apart from the stretchmarks! After I had Miss Twinkle Toes, I lost 5.5kg instantly and was in my pre-pregnancy jeans within a week of having Miss TT.

That didnt last.

I then was at home all the time with a newborn and I would just eat and eat. I put on more weight over the following 6 months than I did over the 9 months of pregnancy. I was the biggest I have ever been. A size 18. Double chin, back fat, tummy fat, leg fat, cankles, you name it, I had fat there! It was at this point I knew I was fat!!

I then started going to WW with a gorgeous girl from mothers group in October last year. I had lost 10.5Kg with adding walking in 3 times a week and watching what I eat, but not really cutting anything out, just the amount.

Then Christmas came, I put on 900g, then I just lost the plot in January and put on another 900g. I stopped going to WW after Christmas as I could no longer afford it.

Anyway I am back on the wagon now after a lot of inspiration from other ladies that are doing the weight loss thing for them and seeing how well the Biggest Loser people did this year.

So please follow me on my journey.


I really hope that I can finally do this for me and no one else. And maybe.... just maybe I can be an inspiration for someone else.
Ali xo